Showing posts from June, 2015

Where The Wolves Run

Where The Wolves Run Wolves of Black Pine by SJ Himes
Release Day, June 30th 2015 It's Alive!

Starting out, months and months ago, writing was the means I used to escape. I tried to get away from the frustration, the helplessness, the grief I felt at being stuck in a life I could no longer stand. Depression is a vile and cloying disease that steals hope and ambition, and kills dreams faster than anything in this world.  To survive, I latched onto whatever I could that generated even the tiniest bit of happy, and what happened snowballed into the miracle I now call my profession. I may pull a day job to cover the bills, but what I call myself now is.... WRITER. Author.
I create worlds that bring me peace and happiness, and the stories I kept to myself for years, my escape from reality, are now alive, a force of nature and words that are inescapable and powerful. 
Back in August of 2014, I read an m/m shifter story, and while it was sexy and well-written, it left me unsatisfied. Tha…

Reading and Reviewing

Why We Should All Review
3 Days.
The Catch-22 of writing and reviewing.
The first of the reviews are due to break publicly on Tuesday, and while I'm hearing reassuring things from most of the reviewers, I'm still incredibly nervous. These people read books and review them, most of them for a living! It's their job! To me, that means reviewers have seen the best and the worst and the boring and the mediocre books, a whole spectrum, and hearing their opinions about how and where my book fits in among the thousands they've read makes me so effing neurotic.
I've never really cared about the opinions of others in my daily life, but in some way I need to care about what the reviewers think, since good reviews means other people will be willing to read my work. I may write because it fulfills something in me, but I also need to sell books, or writing becomes a debilitating hobby. I have aimed for quality and originality, and hopefully the love I feel for my chara…

When Good Things.....Well, Shit.

When Good Things......Well, Shit. 12:20 AM 6/24/2015 A midnight therapy session.

Waiting and hating it.  Wanting more and resenting it.  Restless and edgy and afraid, and so mad at myself I choke on it.  Things will always be, "it'll get better" and never once, better.
Stuck in a moment that never ends,  always leaning forward trying to bend,  but breaking instead.  I get pulled back,  yanked down, And I feel it.
It's here, now dragging, dulling, grasping Thicker than water, and nowhere near  as clean.

I want to move,  to walk,  burst into a run, leave!
I want out.

But I can't. I'm here,  now,  too present to pretend otherwise.
Apathy and sarcasm  shielded the worst, blocked the grief  and disappointment. Once armor, now injury.
Wanting more,  needing more. So fucking tired,  too exhausted to be kind  and calm.
I see a short way ahead of me.  I "know" the right answer. The right destination. Knowing the truth  and fighting for it... Well, Shit.
I d…

Wild Pitch

Wild Pitch on Amazon  5 STARS *Spoiler Free Review*
I am not a sports fan, and it's not often I'll read a book in the m/m genre that involves sports. It takes a rare book, by an especially talented author to get my interest and keep it when sports and sex mix. Sloan Johnson is one such writer, and I am left with one of the most enduring book hangovers I've had in a long time after having finished Wild Pitch. 
Sean and Mason, the two MC's, are both professional players on different teams, and have been friends for a long time. Best friends, and the story benefits so much from the fact that Johnson creates their relationship foundation from long-term friendship. Secrets, family angst, work and distance all come to bear down on the lovers, and I think the book would have been far more stressful a read if Sean and Mason didn't have years of friendship and trust between them to make things work. Even when things get tough, and it looks bad for them, I don't lose fai…

Freaking Out

Wolves on Smashwords
Wolves on Amazon

Getting down to the wire. Gawd, I'm nervous. What if no one likes it? What if no one reviews? What if its horrible, and no one told me?


Okay, I feel marginally better now. I can't help but freak out. This is a huge deal for me. Even bigger than the erotica. The erotica I knew was good, and and I didn't really freak because it was for a niche market and was bound to deal well there. Here, now, Wolves is for a broader audience, and may not do well at all. And i'm terrified. Not because I want sales to be awesome, though that would be great, it's because i'm carrying this fear around that I'm not good enough to be worthy of living my dream.

To write. Just write. And be happy doing it.